Slice of Longing


This fresh thought came to my mind
when I was drying the carpet under the morning Sun:
there was a slice of longing
slipped hesitantly in the sloppiness of Wednesday--
and I didn't want it

I hit the carpet hoping that the sudden thought
would be blown away together with the dust
in the crispy summer wind;
rather, the dust made me sneeze

I tried to remember the dream I dreamt last night
it was you in my dream, we sat together talking nothing
I shook my head, then shifted my eyes
to a glass of water I put in the terrace--
an effort to forget that dream--
but my eyes caught the light blue table cloth:
the favorite color of yours.



*linked in Poetry Pantry #108

14 comments:

Heaven | July 29, 2012 at 6:55 PM

Very nice capture of the longing/ memory ~ I specially like last stanza ~

Nia Janiar | July 29, 2012 at 8:59 PM

Saya suka kalimat terakhirnya, Neni. "the favorite color of yours." seolah2 merangkum semuanya..

Poet Laundry | July 29, 2012 at 9:33 PM

A beautiful write and one I found very relatable. I especially like your closing in both the first and last stanzas. Nicely done!

Serena | July 29, 2012 at 10:23 PM

Ah... I can relate. I can feel your longing. My favorite line.. "there was a slice of longing /slipped hesitantly in the sloppiness of Wednesday--" I loved that. Well done.

hoofprintsinmygarden | July 30, 2012 at 12:35 AM

I love the way you show the longing, instead of telling it. The little things, the thought shifts, they work so well.

Kim Nelson | July 30, 2012 at 1:29 AM

You do a great job describing the power of a heart's longings and the effects of that power.

Laura Maria | July 30, 2012 at 1:42 AM

Great title, great form, and great content. This sounds like something I would write, meaning you touched my heart!

PhotoDiction | July 30, 2012 at 2:15 AM

I like the way that you describe longing suddenly invading your day and the attempts made to move along. Of course, the longing for a loved one is too powerful to simply beat it out of a blanket or rug :) Very enjoyable read.

Jack | July 30, 2012 at 8:15 AM

I agree with Selena. That line is great.

Great write overall!

Neni | July 30, 2012 at 10:28 AM

Thank you, guys... your comments made my day... :)

Kiana | July 30, 2012 at 10:36 PM

Yes I agree. You captured longing well, as we go about our mundane things.

Rachel Mayer Walsh Schapiro | December 26, 2014 at 5:47 PM

I hope to see your post,
hope all is well.

Rachel Mayer Walsh Schapiro | December 26, 2014 at 5:48 PM

slice of longing is a witty title.
dramatic emotions can be digested here.
well done poetics.

Rachel Mayer Walsh Schapiro | December 26, 2014 at 5:48 PM

http://purpletreehouse.blogspot.com/2014/12/christmas-special-of-poetic-forms-haiku.html

inviting you to share a haiku with some of our poetic friends,
Happy New Year,
keep up the excellence.
;)

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